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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344765">crushes? babe, i could never (unless it's you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/seclusion/pseuds/seclusion'>seclusion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ushijima Wakatoshi's Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:53:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344765</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/seclusion/pseuds/seclusion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Stage 1: seriously, there’s no way I like them, right?<br/>Stage 2: uh, maybe I like them a little bit, but it’s just physical attraction<br/>Stage 3: crap, I like them. It’s okay though, it’s just a tiny crush<br/>Stage 4: oh god, this is the biggest crush I’ve ever had<br/>Stage 5: I’m in love. </p>
<p>or, Kageyama Tobio on Liking Hinata Shouyou: "A stupidly stressful first crush, first like, first love."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ushijima Wakatoshi's Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688236</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>295</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. seriously, there’s no way I like them, right? (realization)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>I mean, Hinata’s not that ugly, </i>Kageyama thought as he stared out the window into the courtyard below. There, Hinata was speaking to a tall girl with blonde tips holding a piece of paper in her hand, presumably being confessed to. <i>I suppose it’s possible some poor girl would like that idiot. </i></p>
<p>Hinata seemed to be smiling and clueless, while the girl gestured more and more with her hands, becoming panicked as Hinata continued to miss the point. Kageyama smirked. He knew that Hinata would never understand hidden meanings. The only way to confess to Hinata would be to spell it out for him. </p>
<p>“See, you gotta do it like this,” muttered Kageyama. “You need to say ‘I like you, Hinata Shouyou, in a romantic way’, or he’s never gonna get it.”</p>
<p>“Hah? You like Hinata?” asked Yamaguchi.  </p>
<p>Tsukishima choked on his orange juice. “You like Hinata?!”</p>
<p>Kageyama had forgotten that Yamaguchi, out of the kindness of his heart, had offered to tutor Kageyama at lunch. Flustered, Kageyama quickly pointed out of the window and explained, “Hinata’s getting confessed to, and I’m, uh, narrating for them.”</p>
<p>“As if the King would deign to like a subject,” sniggered Tsukishima. </p>
<p>Yamaguchi seemed to accept his explanation, but the conversation stuck with Kageyama for the rest of the day. Each time it rose up in his memory, his cheeks burned and he pressed his hands to his face to cool them down. For some reason, he kept wondering how the confession with the girl had gone. </p>
<p>As he headed to practice after school ended, he saw a tall girl with a paper crushed in her fist come out of the bathroom with her eyes red. <i>Not too well. </i>Kageyama felt a strange tendril of something brush his chest, but he quashed the feeling, feeling that if he explored further he’d find something he really didn’t want to see. </p>
<p>Hinata seemed subdued during practice, not shouting and yelling as much. Kageyama once again avoided thinking about the feeling that rose up when thinking about the girl’s rejection. </p>
<p>As Kageyama laid in bed that night, he wondered why the girl liked Hinata. Was it his height? His face? Hinata had a good facial structure, with expressive eyes. However, it wasn’t exactly what Kageyama thought girls liked these days. He believed that girls liked the tall, rugged type, like Daichi. Hinata was more… cute? Kageyama squirmed as his cheeks flushed in the dark, rationalizing that the cuteness was like a child’s. </p>
<p>If it wasn’t Hinata’s appearance, then it had to be his personality. Hinata was loud and boisterous, but he wasn’t exactly suave and sexy with his words. He was often disruptive in class too, with his excess energy. Kageyama was extremely confused. Why did that girl even like Hinata anyway? </p>
<p>The only explanation was that there had to be something incredible about Hinata that Kageyama didn’t know about, which made all his shortcomings pale in comparison. He tossed and turned and thought and thought, but he had nothing as he drifted off to sleep. </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>___________________________________</p>
</div><p>The next day, his burning curiosity to find out what he didn’t know about Hinata had grown stronger still. He shoved his breakfast down as quickly as he could, so he could get to school earlier. </p>
<p>“Tobio, you’re going to be sick,” Miwa scolded. “Also, what were you doing last night in bed? I heard the bedsprings creaking for an hour in there.” Her eyes widened. “Oh my god, Tobio, you actually snuck a girl home? My little brother’s growing up!”</p>
<p>“I did not!” he snapped, feeling his eyebrows draw together into a frown.</p>
<p>“Alright, alright,” Miwa spoke in a placating tone, but still failing to hide the smirk crossing her face.</p>
<p>“I don’t even like girls anyway,” Kageyama grumbled.</p>
<p>“Eh? You don’t?”</p>
<p>“No! I came out to grandfather two years ago, don’t you remember? You were sitting on the couch!”</p>
<p>Miwa shrugged. “Sorry, I guess I missed that.”</p>
<p>Kageyama gaped at her for a few minutes, then grabbed his backpack.</p>
<p>He stormed out of the house and into school, looking around for the tall girl. After all, she was the only one who could tell him Hinata’s secret. He searched for her until the bell rang, but failed to find her. Kageyama charged into his first class and slumped in his seat, defeated.</p>
<p>Midway through class, he realized that there was a girl with dyed blonde hair sitting three seats to his left. Could he have really missed her all year? He didn’t even know her name. </p>
<p>Kageyama soon got his answer as she was called on by the teacher. Futakuchi? Kageyama was under the impression that that was a two-headed monster woman. </p>
<p>Right after class ended, Kageyama set out to complete his mission. “Fu..takuchi?”</p>
<p>“Kageyama, right? What can I do for you?” Futakuchi answered. She had a nice voice, soft and smooth with an open, honest face. </p>
<p>“Did, you, like, maybe confess to Hinata yesterday?” </p>
<p>Futakuchi’s face immediately changed, a shadow weighing down her features. “Yes. What’s it to you?”</p>
<p>Kageyama began panicking slightly. “I, ah, was just wondering why you liked him. Because I just don’t really get why, er…” At the sight of Futakuchi’s confused expression, the words spilled out faster. “I don’t really get why you would like Hinata, because he’s not tall and he’s sorta loud and not really smart, so, uh, could you tell me what his secret is?”</p>
<p>“Secret?” Futakuchi seemed completely lost amidst Kageyama’s ramblings. “Hinata has a secret?”</p>
<p>“The secret that makes you like him even though he’s, like, short and annoying and not super good-looking.”</p>
<p>Futakuchi started smirking slightly, reminding Kageyama of Miwa. “Kageyama, it’s not like Hinata has something amazing that trumps all his bad points. I like Hinata because he’s short and loud, not in spite of that. Also, I think he’s cute, too. It’s not like girls only like bad boys.</p>
<p>“In other words, I like all of Hinata, not just one part of him.” </p>
<p>Kageyama was completely dumbstruck. The notion that someone might find Hinata’s annoying qualities attractive or endearing was foreign to him. Seeing that expression on Kageyama’s face, Futakuchi began to laugh. “Why do you want to know so badly?”</p>
<p>Why did he want to know so badly, anyway? Kageyama didn’t know.  “I, um. He’s my partner in volleyball, so I guess I just wanted to know his secret, but it turns out he doesn’t have one.”</p>
<p>Futakuchi raised an eyebrow. “Really? To me, it’s almost like you have a crush on him and you’re trying to figure out why through me.”</p>
<p>“No way, I-” Kageyama froze. Memories of Hinata careened through his mind, balanced on train tracks made of still more memories. The way Hinata’s hair, backlit by the sun, had an ethereal glow around the edges. Hinata’s eyes, focused and serious during a match. Hinata racing him to the front door of the gym, every day they had practice. Hinata’s smile, which made Kageyama’s chest light up with fire. The fire was feelings and the feeling that Kageyama felt yesterday when he learned of Futakuchi’s rejection was relief. And the only way he should be feeling relief was if he, too, liked Hinata. </p>
<p>Kageyama felt his knees weaken as the realization hit him and he sank down into a crouch. “Shit, I- I think I do.”</p>
<p>Futakuchi cackled. “Kageyama.exe has stopped working.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Futakuchi's full name is Futakuchi Ayase, and she's Futakuchi Kenji's cousin! So you can imagine her with brown slanted eyes, a good-looking face, etc. Also, Kageyama reacts to her as a "two-headed monster woman" at first, because a Futakuchi-onna is a female yokai with two mouths.<br/>Thank you for clicking on this fic lol I really appreciate it</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. uh, maybe I like them a little bit, but it’s just physical attraction (denial)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kageyama spent the rest of the day in a haze of confusion. He couldn’t fathom how, or when, he had developed feelings for his best friend. Futakuchi had forced him to exchange numbers with her (her full name was Futakuchi Ayase, apparently), so she could monitor the situation. Kageyama felt that she was a little too giddy for someone who supposedly liked the same person. </p>
<p>Submerged in his state of shock, his autopilot mode turned on and he got home with no trouble. He found that in this new Kageyama mode, he could look at Hinata with no problem at all. <i>Maybe I don’t have a lot of feelings yet. I can cut them off right now and it’ll be completely fine. Yep, completely fine. </i></p>
<p>Now, how would he go about killing his feelings? </p>
<p>Google, of course. The internet could solve anything. All his math problems, essay questions, volleyball tips, Google had resolved it for Kageyama. He trusted Google with his life. </p>
<p>Sitting down in front of his computer, Kageyama typed in “how do i kill my feelings for my best friend” and hit enter. The first website that popped up was a blog post titled “My Best Friend Is a Womanizer, and This Is How I Dealt With Crushing on Him”. Clicking on the link, it led to a blog called “Ushijima Wakatoshi’s Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships”. </p>
<p>
  <i>My Best Friend Is a Womanizer, and This Is How I Dealt With Crushing on Him<br/>
by Anonymous<br/>
edited by Tendou Satori</i>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <i> My childhood friend, the one I’ve spent over thirteen years of my life with, is the biggest player I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. And I had a huge crush on him. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Four months ago, I became aware that I liked him through the intervention of two of my friends. These two, let’s just call them M and H, mentioned to me one day that my face got really dark whenever my childhood friend (call him O) was flirting with a girl. In the beginning, I tried to brush it off as an annoyance, since it happened nearly every day, but a week later M took a picture of my face when O was flirting. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>It looked like a damn thundercloud. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>I realized that I liked O, and life became very difficult for me. I participate in a team sport with O, so the crush I had on him started to affect my performance. I couldn’t look directly at him, because I was afraid my true feelings would show. I couldn’t spend time with him, because I was afraid I would get nervous and accidentally blurt something out. Eventually, I knew I had to do something because O was starting to suspect something was wrong. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>So I asked myself, why do I like him? What is attractive about him to me? It couldn’t be his inner beauty, because he has none. O’s personality is honestly one of the worst in the entire school. However, he has an exceedingly pretty face. I figured this was why I liked him; after all, O’s face and height are why so many girls like him. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>After I figured out that I just liked his appearance, I looked at lots of pictures of beautiful men on the internet. Whenever I looked at O, I would instead imagine a famous actor’s face. This helped me a lot. I also hid all the pictures of him from my camera roll, so I wouldn’t see him. Basically, I tried not to see his face. If I didn’t see it, I couldn’t appreciate it.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Over time, the buzzing feeling that I had inside when I saw O faded. I asked M and H, and they said that my face didn’t look angry anymore whenever I witnessed the familiar scene. Now, I only feel a weird tingle when he touches me, and sometimes a burn in the pit of my stomach. But I think these are just the remaining parts of my crush, and they will go away soon. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Many thanks to those who have read this far, and I wish you the best of luck with your feelings! Thanks also to Tendou Satori for helping me share my first post on this blog. </i>
</p>
<p>After reading the entire post, Kageyama was slightly confused. So, this person found out that he just liked the physical appearance of his crush? That was why it was shallow? Kageyama really hoped that he only liked Hinata’s face too. Then he could also look at handsome, no, cute men on Google images and his crush would disappear quickly. </p>
<p>(Kageyama conveniently ignored the fact that the revelation earlier included Hinata’s hyperactive personality flashbacks.)</p>
<p>This time, he laid down to sleep and fell asleep with no trouble at all.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>___________________________________</p>
</div>“My, aren’t you cheerful today,” remarked Miwa at breakfast. “You didn’t come out of your room at all yesterday, so I thought you were upset over something. Girl, I mean, boy troubles?”<p>Speaking through a mouthful of pancake, Kageyama tried to keep his face under control and replied, “I’m nosh grumphy. Shut upsh. No boysh.”</p>
<p>Miwa said nothing more but looked at Kageyama as if she didn’t believe him. </p>
<p>At lunch, Yamaguchi was diligently helping Kageyama with his English homework when his phone pinged. Yamaguchi pulled out his phone, checked the message, and said apologetically, “Sorry Kageyama, Tsukki says he needs me to escape. He said that Akiteru paid a surprise visit again.” </p>
<p>“It’s alright. I can finish this on my own.” Kageyama assured him. Not long after Yamaguchi left, he received a <i>ping! </i>of his own. </p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>hey kags what’s ur full name</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>Kags?!<br/>
&gt;My full name is Kageyama Tobio.</i></p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>wowow so formal<br/>
&gt;no need to be so stiff loloolol</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>Why do you text like that?<br/>
&gt;It’s weird.</i></p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>ur the weird one for using full punctuation lmao</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>No, I’m not.</i></p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>u are LOL<br/>
&gt;okay whatever<br/>
&gt;how’s ur new crush feeling like hehe</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>I’m not sure yet, but I believe that I only like Hinata’s face. </i></p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>WOW UR SO HONEST AHAHA<br/>
&gt;yeah ig that might be a possibility ;)</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>;Futakuchi, why are you so curious about this? I thought you would be kind of upset since you liked Hinata too.<br/>
&gt;No offense.</i></p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>once again an honest boy<br/>
&gt;i think it’s because i knew i was gonna be rekected awhile ago tbh<br/>
&gt;like i could kinda tell he didn’t like me back lol<br/>
&gt;i mostly confessed for closure :P</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>Oh, thank you for the explanation.<br/>
&gt;But why are you curious?</i></p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY DRAMA IN THE MAKING L O L</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>I am confused.</i></p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>i’m jk<br/>
&gt;i just wanna help out a fellow crushee if ya know what i mean<br/>
&gt;us crushees are crushin on the same crusher lololololol</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>”Crusher” sounds disturbing. Anyway, thank you very much for the help, Futakuchi. I appreciate it.</i> </p>
<p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>npnp<br/>
&gt;text me w updates!!<br/>
&gt;gtg ttyl</i></p>
<p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>Understood, will do.<br/>
&gt;Goodbye.</i></p>
<p>Kageyama closed his phone and stood up to stretch. He didn’t text people, so Futakuchi’s weird texting style was new to him.  Just as he twisted around at the waist so his spine popped, a blur of orange and white crashed into the room. </p>
<p>“Kage! Yama! We have another practice match with Seijoh this Sunday!” Hinata blurted excitedly into Kageyama’s face, releasing several flying droplets of spit. </p>
<p>Kageyama wiped his face. “Will Oikawa be playing?”</p>
<p>“Yes! Daichi just told me that. Also, Tanaka said that he would kill you if you got another confession,” giggled Hinata. Kageyama noticed how Hinata’s eyes turned into crescent moons and his nose scrunched up when he laughed, amplifying his cuteness level by five. <i>Yeah, it’s definitely his face. </i></p>
<p>“I don’t really get confessed to that much though,” he answered. “Besides, it’s not like I’ll ever say yes.”</p>
<p>Hinata’s brow tightened. <i>Damn, that’s unfair. I look like a demon doing that. </i>“You get one like every other week. That’s so often! Also, why not?”</p>
<p><i>Because I’m gay, </i>thought Kageyama. “Because I have volleyball.”</p>
<p>“So do Tanaka and Nishinoya.”</p>
<p>“Because I’m gay,” sighed Kageyama. He quickly covered his mouth, surprised. He hadn’t realized that he had said it out loud. </p>
<p>Hinata was staring at him, mouth open. “Is there something wrong?” Kageyama asked. Was Hinata weirded out or something? Kageyama hadn’t thought being gay was a big deal. He preferred to keep his sexual orientation to himself, that was all. So why was Hinata looking at him like that? Was he… homophobic?</p>
<p>Kageyama’s thoughts must’ve shown on his face because Hinata quickly closed his mouth and waved his hands wildly. “I, ah, I d-don’t have anything against being gay! I really don’t!”</p>
<p>“Okay? So what is it, dumbass?”</p>
<p>“I’m bisexual myself,” confessed Hinata. “I just thought you were straight.”</p>
<p>Now it was Kageyama’s turn to stare. “You are?”</p>
<p>“Uh, yeah.” Right then, the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period and forcing Hinata and Kageyama to their next classes. </p>
<p>In math class, Kageyama pondered this new development. He would’ve preferred it if Hinata were straight because it would make cutting off his feelings easier, but he couldn’t tamp down the swell of happiness inside. </p>
<p><i>Focus on solving the problem, Kags. Kags?! What the actual fuck, I’m using that name? Damn that Futakuchi. Anyway, Hinata being bisexual doesn’t matter. Nope. Proceed as planned. </i>Kageyama reflected on his reactions to Hinata’s face while talking to him. It really seemed as if he liked Hinata for his appearance, since he didn’t find it endearing when Hinata spit into his face with excitement. Then again, would anyone?</p>
<p>Kageyama resolved to begin looking at cute boys as soon as he got a chance, to begin the process of killing his feelings.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In case you haven't guessed, Iwaizumi is the author of that blog post. He's also super bad at feelings („ಡωಡ„) He's guest posting on Ushijima's blog since he's friends with Tendou. Should I tag this as an AU since Seijoh &amp; Shiratorizawa don't hate each other? </p>
<p>I text exactly like Futakuchi lmao<br/>fun fact: a friend of mine says "jkjkjk" instead of "jkjk" because he's afraid the second jk cancels out the first</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. crap, I like them. It’s okay though, it’s just a tiny crush (partial acceptance)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Looking at cute boys on Google images didn’t help. Kageyama spent three hours on Friday night just scrolling through pictures, only to have his heart jump at the sight of Hinata grinning at him at Saturday morning practice. </p>
<p>Come to think of it, hadn’t his heart always done that? He’d always thought it was excitement, because it meant racing Hinata. <i>It’s still excitement, nothing else. If I can believe this, I’ll be one step closer to reaching my goal. </i></p>
<p>All through practice, he tried to imagine another person’s face atop Hinata’s. Unfortunately, he could only remember Harry Styles’ and Justin Bieber’s face, because he had read an article stating that these were the faces young women all over the world were going wild for. Harry Styles’ face simply looked bizarre paired with Hinata’s small body, making Kageyama experience a mix of hysteria and horror every time his mind supplied the image. </p>
<p><i>Japanese boys, Japanese boys please, </i>Kageyama thought desperately, drenched in sweat after a three-on-three practice match. He found that it was harder and harder to bring up his Autopilot Kageyama mode, and a buzz had started to reside under his skin. Thinking hard, he tried to remember more pictures. </p>
<p>“King, you look constipated. Using your brain too much?” Tsukishima taunted. Yamaguchi giggled but looked mildly apologetic afterward. </p>
<p>“Yeah, Kageyama. You good?” Hinata asked. He dragged a hair across his sweaty forehead, pushing his orange bangs up. Harry Styles’ face placed itself there, causing Kageyama to nearly stumble in surprise. </p>
<p>At this moment, Kageyama would take anything if it meant he didn’t have to see a terribly mismatched face on top of a moving, tiny figure that somehow made his blood pressure spike whenever it moved. Which was, of course, constantly. <i>It wasn’t this bad yesterday. I swear it wasn’t. </i></p>
<p>For the first time, Kageyama was grateful for the end of practice. He didn’t think he could take watching beads of sweat roll slowly down Hinata’s tanned skin, seeing his muscles tense in preparation for a jump, imagining some British singer’s face-- nope, he could not. Even the memory of these things was making Kageyama feel dizzy and lightheaded. He banged his head against the wall to chase them away.</p>
<p>“Kageyama, are you really okay? Your face is, um, kinda pale,” asked Yamaguchi, already changed. His face was pulled into a concerned frown, freckles colliding. “Was it Tsukki? Tsukki might be a little mean, I know, but he didn’t really mean it.”</p>
<p>Tsukishima looked over, appalled. “Yamaguchi!”</p>
<p>“Sorry, Tsukki.”</p>
<p>“Yamaguchi, it’s fine. It isn’t Tsukishima,” muttered Kageyama. </p>
<p>“Oh, okay. But what is it? You really don’t look good.”</p>
<p>Kageyama had no option but to deflect. Yamaguchi was nice enough, much better than their first meeting, but he couldn’t be trusted not to tell Tsukishima everything. And Tsukishima would definitely hold it over Kageyama’s head. <i>Ooh, the King has a little crush on his pawn, will the pawn become his queen? </i>“It’s nothing. Really. I was just thinking about the, uh, tests we had next week.”</p>
<p>Yamaguchi winced. “Ah, we have six tests and four quizzes. It’ll be a nightmare for sure.”</p>
<p>When Kageyama got home, he was completely drained of energy from his overuse of imagination and Hinata’s excited chattering about the practice match with Seijoh. Usually, Hinata’s neverending stream of words helped him to cool down after practice, but it was difficult to avoid Harry Styles. His stomach felt weird and twisted. </p>
<p>Flinging open the door, he announced, “I’m home”, kicked off his shoes and collapsed on the couch, facedown. He heard a door open and footsteps going through the hallway. </p>
<p>“Tobio, your team captain called earlier. Sawamura or something? He said you didn’t look so great during practice.”</p>
<p>Daichi even called? This was bad. Just like in the blog post, Kageyama’s terrible feelings were starting to interfere with his performance. He decided to give the same excuse. “I’m just, like, stressed about school. Grades and stuff.”</p>
<p>Although Kageyama couldn’t see Miwa with his face buried in the couch, her voice gave away her skepticism. “You don’t care about your grades at all, Tobio, unless it affects volleyball. Tell me your real reason.”</p>
<p>“It’s nothing,” grumbled Kageyama. “A minor issue. I’ll get it fixed soon enough.”</p>
<p>“Spit it out! It can’t be a bully, obviously, since you’re nearly six feet and your face, well, looks like that. It’s a boy, isn’t it? A boy?”</p>
<p>“How…?”</p>
<p>Miwa cackled loudly. “Oh, I always know. Don’t underestimate girl sense. It was tingling earlier. Who is it?”</p>
<p>“...”</p>
<p>“Tell me! Tobio! I won’t make fun of you for it, I promise. Just tell me.” Kageyama raised his head up. Miwa was standing in the doorway, arms crossed. She had her no-nonsense face on. <i>Uh-oh. </i>From the time Kageyama was young, he had known to fear that expression. Miwa wouldn’t stop until she had what she wanted. </p>
<p>Kageyama sighed through his nose. “It’s Hinata. Hinata Shouyou, from my volleyball team.” Seeing Miwa’s shocked expression, he hurried to add, “I only, uh, like his appearance, I think.”</p>
<p>At this, Miwa began shaking her head. She walked over and plopped down on the couch, shoving Kageyama’s legs off. “Oh, my idiot brother. If you only liked his face, you wouldn’t let this affect volleyball.”</p>
<p>“But this article said…” Kageyama explained about the post he had read, and the steps he had taken to follow it. Miwa’s eyes narrowed. “Let me see this website.”</p>
<p>As she read the article from Kageyama’s phone, her eyebrows rose higher and higher. Soon, uncontrollable laughter burst out of her. It was several minutes before she stopped, and Kageyama’s face was already burning. “Tobio, this person might actually be worse than you at feelings.”</p>
<p>“What? But he managed to stop his crush,” protested Kageyama. </p>
<p>“I highly doubt that he doesn’t like his friend anymore, but let’s just say he succeeded, alright? But no one projects some celebrity’s face over their crush’s to get over them. No one. This guy is one of a kind, and it’s basically guaranteed that this will only work for him. You have to be a huge idiot and crazy headstrong to pull this off.”</p>
<p>Kageyama groaned. No wonder it hadn’t been working for him. </p>
<p>“Did you try it out, Tobio? Who did you use?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to say.”</p>
<p>“Tobio.”</p>
<p>“Fine. Harry Styles and Justin Bieber.”</p>
<p>Even from the living room, Kageyama could hear his sister laughing in the kitchen as she got a glass of water. When she returned, she said, “Sorry, I promised not to make fun of you. Still, couldn’t you have used Japanese boys at least? You must really like Hinata to go this far.”</p>
<p>“I just like him for his face,” Kageyama denied. Miwa gave him a look. “Just his face!” Another look. Head pounding, Kageyama mumbled, “Fine, maybe a little. Also, I tried Japanese boys but I couldn’t remember any.”</p>
<p>Miwa pulled out her phone. “You seriously couldn’t remember a single one? How about this one? He’s pretty cute.”</p>
<p>On her phone screen was an Instagram page of some model, called… oh. Oikawa Tooru. “Oh god.”</p>
<p>“What? Isn’t he pretty? He’s around your age too.”</p>
<p>A vision of Oikawa’s smirking face with a small body in a Karasuno uniform bouncing around introduced itself into Kageyama’s mind, causing his stomach to flip unpleasantly. “That’s, ugh. No, please. No no no no.”</p>
<p>Miwa stood up. “Tobio, are you alright? You look like you’re gonna throw up.”</p>
<p><i>Ohmygod, he’s sticking out his tongue. While jumping like six feet. </i>“I am gonna hu--”</p>
<p>Kageyama turned his face to the side and threw up onto the carpet. All of a sudden, the stomach pain and dizziness made a whole lot more sense.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>___________________________________</p>
</div>After Miwa helped him into his room (Kageyama could tell she felt a little guilty about inducing vomiting), he fell asleep quickly.<p>Upon waking up, it was almost evening. His phone was blowing up with messages, all from the members of the volleyball team. Kageyama was unused to his phone being so active. Grabbing it off the nightstand, he responded to all the messages as quickly as he could but paused at the one from Hinata. </p>
<p>Hinata Shouyou<br/>
&gt;<i>OMG KAGEYAMA I HEARD YOU WERE SICK!!!!</i><br/>
&gt;you cant go to the match tomorrow ;-;<br/>
&gt;hope you get better sooooon I wanna practice!!</p>
<p>Kageyama’s brain felt muddled, unable to properly process the texts. Before he could do something drastic in his feverish state, he sent a quick “I’ll try to make it and see if I can spectate” and opened his contacts. </p>
<p>He started at the words “Futakuchi Ayase” for a few minutes. He had made a promise of updating her, hadn’t he? And these were certainly new developments.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next up, Futakuchi and Kageyama's friendship develops!! Also, I want another blog post so I think I'll introduce our trashy boy ;) I realized that Miwa and Futakuchi are really similar, except Miwa is more knowledgeable about this stuff LOL </p>
<p>Yamaguchi should become a trustable friend too, I think. I really like Yamaguchi, he would be a super caring friend! Alas, because of Tsukishima, I can only have him tutor Kageyama :((</p>
<p>Thank you so so much for the kind comments and kudos!! It means a lot to me, I love y'all! 	。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。<br/>fact: those Japanese emoticons that Oikawa probably uses are called kaomoji</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. oh god, this is the biggest crush I’ve ever had (full acceptance)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>Futakuchi, some new things have happened.<br/>
&gt;First, I’ve gotten sick. I was not feeling well earlier during practice, but I thought it was because of Hinata and my new method (more on that later). It turns out I’m down with a cold or something.<br/>
&gt;Two days ago, I searched Google on how to kill my crush<br/>
&gt;*kill my feelings for my crush<br/>
&gt;I found a post that talked about it. Here is the link: https://www.uwguidetofgr/relationships/post/012492<br/>
&gt;I tried it out but my sister told me it wasn’t a good method.<br/>
&gt;She also forced me to admit that I might like Hinata a little bit. Not just because of his face. </i></p><p>Typing out the messages took Kageyama a long time, since his fingers seemed much clumsier than usual and kept hitting the wrong keys. His head felt like it was being compressed, slowly but with unyielding pressure. He groaned and set his phone off to the side. </p><p>“Tobio?” Miwa poked her head through the door. “Your captain says that you want to go to the practice match tomorrow and for me to tell you no. But-”</p><p>Upon seeing Kageyama open his mouth in protest, she held up a hand. “But, if your fever is gone by tomorrow and you can walk around the house without falling and you don’t throw up, I’ll let you go.” Miwa smiled. “I know volleyball is your life, so I’ll do that much. If you don’t have all those requirements met though, you know what’ll happen.”</p><p>Kageyama nodded, grateful. “Thanks,” he croaked, sounding like a frog. </p><p>“Text me or ring the bell if you need anything. I’ll be a servant just this once, cause I feel bad.” Miwa pointed at a call bell perched next to his pillow. “Dinner is in a few minutes. Try to eat as much as you can.”</p><p>Miwa left, closing the door. Kageyama prayed fervently for his fever to go away by tomorrow, seeing as the match was against Seijoh. It definitely wasn’t because he wanted to see Hinata. Nope, it wasn’t. </p><p>Kageyama moaned. Where had these uncomfortable truths come from? <i>These stupid feelings will make me crazy.</i></p><p>When Miwa entered the room, she heard Kageyama mumble a string of curses before he promptly dropped off into sleep. “I <i>just</i> finished making dinner. Fuck this kid.”</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>___________________________________</p>
</div><p>Kageyama awoke Sunday morning with a mild headache, a terrible taste on his tongue, and a rumbling stomach. It was nine in the morning, and the match was at one. </p><p>Tromping to the kitchen, he winced at the stain on the carpet. Exposed by the light of day streaming through the windows, it was large and unsightly. Miwa popped up behind him.</p><p>“I cleaned all that up for you. You owe me one.”</p><p>“Hey! You were the one who-”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” Miwa placed a hand over his forehead. “You don’t have a fever anymore. Can you walk fine? Is your stomach feeling normal?”</p><p>Kageyama furiously nodded his head. “Just hungry. I can go, right?”</p><p>At Miwa’s noise of assent, a rush of relief went through Kageyama. He made himself breakfast, finished it, and headed back to his room to sort out his phone and get some research done. </p><p>As he expected, his phone was full of messages ranging from threatening (Daichi: No, you cannot go!) to hopeful (Hinata: Please don’t have a fever I want you to gooooo) to gleeful (Futakuchi: I KNEW IT KAKAKAKA). </p><p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>How did you know it?</i></p><p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>ur active owo<br/>
&gt;L OL if u liked Hinata like u’d admire a model or something u wouldn’t look like i broke ur life when u realized that u liked him</i></p><p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>But you agreed with me when I said I liked him for his face. </i></p><p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>i meannnn i kinda already broke ur life once i didn’t rlly want to do it again<br/>
&gt;yo are u still sick tho</i></p><p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>Fair point.<br/>
&gt;I believe I’m not sick anymore. I don’t have a fever, at least.</i></p><p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>we need to talk face to face lol<br/>
&gt;urghh i gotta wait a whole day</i></p><p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>Why do we need to talk face-to-face? We can text.</i></p><p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>ah but you can hide things over text<br/>
&gt;but ur face doesn’t lie</i></p><p>Kageyama felt a shiver run down his spine, and he knew it wasn’t the lingering aftereffects of his fever.</p><p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>Understood. If you wish to see me soon, I’m going to a practice match at Aoba Johsai at one today. I think it’s open to everyone. </i></p><p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>??? ur playing so soon after getting sick wth</i></p><p>Kageyama Tobio<br/>
&gt;<i>I’ll only be watching. I’ll also wear a mask so I don’t spread whatever I have.</i></p><p>Futakuchi Ayase<br/>
&gt;<i>aight then it’s a date<br/>
&gt;jkjkjk ill see u at 1</i></p><p>Well, that was done. Kageyama turned on his computer. It was time for him to shut down his non-completely-appearance-based crush, which had seemingly advanced an alarming amount in the past three days he had been aware of it. Even though his trusted Google had failed him last time, its stellar track record convinced Kageyama to give it another chance. He typed “how to deal with a crush” into the search bar and pressed enter, staring at the screen. </p><p>Once again, the first link that appeared was from “Ushijima Wakatoshi’s Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships”. Kageyama hesitated. Last time, this blog hadn’t given optimal results. He reasoned that the author last time was anonymous and a guest poster, and this author actually had a username. Plus, it wasn’t that the blog was bad, because it was obviously popular. He moved his cursor over the link and clicked. </p><p>
  <i>How to Deal with a Crush<br/>
by TOTORU<br/>
edited by Semi Eita</i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>Hello and welcome back, friends! I, TOTORU, am going to tell you just how to deal with a crush!! I’ve missed you guys so much :,(( but I’ve had some stuff going on lately. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it!</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Let’s start with real-life examples because those are obviously the best way to show just what to do. So, I might’ve told you guys this one before, but my first crush was when I was four years old, on my babysitter Janet, a foreign exchange student from England. I learned my panty-dropping English from there hehehe. It was a love-hate relationship (saucy I know right (&gt;ω^)). She tried to control me, but I never let her. We always danced around each other…</i>
</p><p>
  <i>One day, she brought her boyfriend over. Understandably, my poor tiny toddler heart was shattered. I eventually moved on, though, because she stopped babysitting for me when my parents walked in on her teaching me “seduction techniques”. I learned a great deal during those Wednesday evening sessions. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Method 1: Find out if your crush has an s/o or not. If they do, then it’ll be easier to convince yourself to let them go. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Method 2: Distance yourself from them. If you don’t ever see them, your feelings won’t get any deeper and you’ll possibly lose interest.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The next crush I’m going to tell you about is from when I was seven, in my second-grade class. There were these two sisters that were twins, let’s call them A-ko and B-ko since they’re in my school and I don’t want to deal with them if they find out about this. I had a crush on both of them because they’re virtually indistinguishable. The only way to tell them apart was by their hairstyle. A-ko had pigtails, while B-ko had a braid. (find style tips for hair here)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>My feelings couldn’t stay divided for long, so I started to prefer B-ko over A-ko. But one day, they switched hairstyles! And I couldn’t tell! This shocked the seven-year-old me so badly that I fell out of love with both at the same time. I guess my heart of glass just couldn’t take the betrayal (｡•́︿•̀｡)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Method 3: Find yourself another crush! Most likely, you will start comparing your two crushes, and then you will find things that dissatisfy you about both of them. (Of course, you might find yourself crushing on both of them harder than ever before so if that happens I’m very sorry)</i>
</p><p>This is really long, thought Kageyama. He scrolled through more anecdotes and methods. Why does it seem like TOTORU just wants to talk about his love life? I don’t think I want to read this anymore.<br/>
Oh, but he wasn’t really in a position to think such things, was he? This TOTORU person was clearly far more experienced in the realm of such things than Kageyama. He sighed and continued to skim the obnoxiously long post. </p><p>
  <i>Now, I’m going to get into the juicy new stuff that took me away from you guys for soooo long! I’ve been nursing a crush on a friend of mine for about three years, but I’ve mostly been denying it. I know you guys have That One Friend that’s super hot but off-limits… yeah, that’s my friend. _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_ So while I’ve had this crush, I really just pushed it to the back of my mind and focused on other relationships, flirted with other people, yada yada… but then one day he started acting weird.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>It was like Bird Box or something. He wouldn’t look at me anymore, and he’d react strangely when I touched him, as if I’d electrocuted him. I thought he’d found out about my feelings, after years of not seeing them. He was really off his game as an athlete too. But a week or two later, he could look at me again. It was soooo confusing! (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I did ask him what was wrong, but he always said “nothing” and called me an idiot. This stuff tortured me for a whole month. I could barely sleep! Only my flawless skincare routine helped to cover up my stress. (link here)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I believe I’ve returned to my earlier state, where I just pretend I don’t have a crush on him to myself. I suggest just trying to suppress the feelings and hope they’ll go away. It hasn’t worked for me yet, but it might for you guys!</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Of course, we have the last method; it’s one that’s common but I’ve never personally tried out.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Method 23: Confess to them. This way, if they reject you it’ll be easier for you to get over your feelings. Also, they might return your feelings too! Win-win situation ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Okay guys, this is the end of an extra-long post to make up for my extra-long absence! I hope this helps with your crush and thanks for reading!</i>
</p><p>
  <i>May the aliens shine down upon us before long! Bye~~<br/>
TOTORU</i>
</p><p>Kageyama felt as if his brain had melted in the middle of all the kaomoji, external product links, and strange crush situations TOTORU had thrown at him. However, at least one of the twenty-three methods he’d read through must be able to help him. He decided to talk it over with Futakuchi, since she seemed very perceptive and willing to give advice.</p><p>It was 12:55 when he arrived at Aoba Johsai, the sun blazing overhead. Kageyama shielded his eyes and walked towards the gym.</p><p>“Kageyama!” He turned to find Futakuchi, wearing a baseball cap and large shorts, running towards him. “I’ve been searching for the gym for like five minutes in this heat, I’m dying.</p><p>“Is your team already here?” asked Futakuchi as they approached the entrance to the gym.</p><p>Kageyama shook his head. “They got here earlier to warm up.”</p><p>Upon entering the gym, they snuck into the bleachers and sat down, sweat cooling on their backs. Kageyama wasn’t sure if Miwa had told Daichi it was alright for him to come, so he decided to be undercover. Futakuchi turned to Kageyama. </p><p>“So, have you given up on trying to suppress your feelings yet?”</p><p>“Obviously I can’t do that,” Kageyama grumbled. “It’ll affect my playing if I can’t bring down this stupid crush.”</p><p>Futakuchi sent a skeptical look towards Kageyama, which he avoided. He took out a carton of milk and concentrated on watching the match that had just begun on the court. Oikawa, as always, started with a violent serve that Daichi only barely managed to receive. Kageyama had to repress the urge to gag as yesterday’s events returned to him each time he glimpsed Oikawa’s smirk. </p><p>During a break near the end of the set, Futakuchi gave him a nudge. “Are you always frowning?”</p><p>“It’s just my face,” Kageyama responded, attention fixed on the players (one in particular) below. </p><p>“How is your skin so baby smooth? Where are the wrinkles?” Futakuchi sounded incredibly offended. Kageyama turned his head to look at her. “Do you have a skincare routine?”</p><p>The milk exploded out of the carton, spraying everyone in a two-foot radius. “Do I look like TOTORU to you?”</p><p>Futakuchi yipped and jumped up, along with four Oikawa fangirls, two of which had been hit by the milk as well. Kageyama tried to arrange his face into an horrified expression and began apologizing. The commotion drew the attention of every eye in the gym. </p><p>“Look! It’s Kageyama!” Hinata had immediately picked him out, although he was dressed in casual clothes with a mask on. Pointing a finger, Hinata continued yelling and started to run towards the bleachers. </p><p>Feeling the heat rise to his cheeks and the arrival of his new Gay Panic™, Kageyama stammered, “I’m, uh, gonna grab some napkins to help. Clean up,” and escaped for the nearest bathroom. Behind him, he heard Ukai boom at Hinata to “come back we are in the middle of a goddamn match”.</p><p>The restrooms at Aoba Johsai were fortunately located near the gym. Inside the restroom, Kageyama decided to do <i>the mirror thing</i>, where you look into the mirror and magically get yourself together. It didn’t work. All Kageyama saw was a serious-looking face with heavy eye bags, set in a harassed, panicked expression. </p><p>When had he become so weak? Only four days ago he could deal with Hinata with no effort. Now, watching Hinata started up the buzz beneath his skin, and Hinata seeing him and calling out his name flipped his stomach and added electric sparks to match the buzzing inside. It had all started with Futakuchi, hadn’t it?</p><p>But Kageyama could not place the blame on Futakuchi for his feelings. In fact, he probably would’ve tripped up completely without her there to work out how he felt about Hinata. He snatched several handfuls of paper towels and walked back into the gym. </p><p>Handing the paper towels to the fangirls and Futakuchi, he apologized again. The fangirls smiled and said it was “all good”, with one of them looking him up and down. Futakuchi, on the other hand, elbowed him. “I got that cap from Australia,” she hissed. </p><p>“Sorry. I have money, do you-”</p><p>“Nah, I’m kidding. Not about the Australia part, but me being angry. Besides, most of it got onto my shorts anyway.” Futakuchi raised a leg and winked. “I got these from my cousin Kenji.”</p><p>Kageyama suffered through Futakuchi teasing about his reaction to Hinata while the match continued below. On the court, Seijoh had won the first set. Sugawara was patting Tsukishima’s arm while a jealous-looking Yamaguchi stood off to the side. Daichi had his hands on his hips, in his Dad Mode. Looking directly at Kageyama. </p><p>Kageyama quickly averted his gaze. Futakuchi poked him. “Kageyama, look.”</p><p>“No. My team captain is angry. If I make eye contact-”</p><p>“No, Kageyama, look to your left,” she insisted, prodding him harder. </p><p>Kageyama looked to his left and almost had a heart attack. Hinata was determinedly making his way up the steps, with a sheepish-looking Asahi in tow. </p><p>“Kageyama, sorry. I tried to stop him, but he, well, I couldn’t,” Asahi tried to explain. He grabbed Hinata’s elbow. “Hinata, Kageyama’s not feeling well, maybe you shouldn’t-”</p><p>“Kageyama! I’m so happy you’re here! Why’d you run away earlier?” Hinata’s smile hurt Kageyama with its brilliance. He had the sudden irrational urge to cover his eyes, as if he were trying to look at the sun. </p><p>“Dumbass,” he heard his mouth respond. At least it was on autopilot. “I accidentally spilled my milk, so I had to get paper towels to clean it up.”</p><p>Tanaka came up behind Asahi. “Kageyama! You aren’t supposed to be here. Daichi said so.” </p><p>“I don’t have a fever anymore. Also, it’s a chance to see Oikawa.” Kageyama thought Hinata’s smile dimmed slightly for a moment, but then returned to its full wattage. </p><p>“You have to hurry and get better so you can go to practice! Okay, Kageyama?” Hinata demanded. <i>He’s too cute. </i>Kageyama struggled to control his face in reaction to Hinata’s wide brown eyes. His mouth continued to banter with Hinata, thankfully ignoring his panicking mind.</p><p>The match continued, with Hinata running up to talk with Kageyama in between sets. Futakuchi laughed so hard she nearly cried at TOTORU’s post when Kageyama told her about his new research results. He found himself in a strange sort of state, with genuine enjoyment at being able to watch volleyball and speaking with Futakuchi at one end with constant nervousness about Hinata lurking at the other.  </p><p>Karasuno lost to Seijoh, 1-2. Kageyama was invited by Daichi (who had received a text from Miwa in the middle of the third set) to get sent home. He headed to the doorway of the gym with his teammates surrounding him, chattering away about the match. </p><p>As they walked to the parking lot, Kageyama turned to see Futakuchi waving at him.</p><p>“Kageyama? Where are you going?”</p><p>“I’ll be right back,” he answered. Kageyama jogged over to where Futakuchi stood.</p><p>“Do you need me to tell you?” Futakuchi smiled at him, looking like a proud teacher.</p><p>After today, Kageyama could no longer deny anything. His feelings were clear like glass, and it was obvious to both him and Futakuchi. “I have a huge crush on Hinata Shouyou,” he sighed.</p><p>Futakuchi’s smile turned into a huge grin, chocolate eyes glinting. “You’re so whipped.”</p><p>“Yeah, I am.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TOTORU is Oikawa! Also, Janet's seduction techniques only consisted of telling Oikawa how to get girls (she was not abusing him in any way)</p><p> Thank you so much &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. i'm in love (and it’s okay)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kageyama was not okay. He still liked Hinata. </p>
<p>Three weeks had passed since that Sunday where he’d admitted his feelings to Futakuchi. At first, he’d expected that he would eventually stop being able to interact with Hinata, but it wasn’t the case. His body got used to the weird fireworks that came with Hinata, and he found he was able to keep up a semblance of normalcy with him.</p>
<p>Kageyama laid in bed, scrolling through his phone. Oddly enough, TOTORU’s posts had become a source of comfort for him, allowing him an escape from his own relationship issues. Last week, TOTORU had confided in his fans that his hot friend (whose first name was revealed to begin with an i) apparently had a love interest, as told to him by two mutual friends. TOTORU discovered he liked “I” a whole lot more than he thought, and now he was experiencing a small meltdown. </p>
<p>On “Ushijima Wakatoshi’s Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships”, Kageyama had made an account to comment on TOTORU’s posts. He’d typed something along the lines of “currently dealing with a really similar situation to yours--this is really helpful, thanks'' and no more than five minutes had passed before TOTORU had asked for his contact information, claiming that he “sensed a fellow sufferer in need of companionship”.</p>
<p>Within a few hours, both parties knew many details of the other’s situation, and they constantly texted each other with updates. TOTORU knew of Hinata as a “cute social guy” as described by Kageyama, and Kageyama learned that “I” was gifted with the body of a god. </p>
<p>The same day TOTORU replied to his comment, Futakuchi had asked Kageyama how he was dealing with his crush at lunch. </p>
<p>“Fine, I guess,” he responded. “I can still play volleyball and talk to him. The only thing that’s not too good is that I think Tsukishima and Yamaguchi have guessed my feelings.”</p>
<p>Several times, after realizing he had been spacing out while staring in Hinata’s direction, Kageyama had seen Yamaguchi and Tsukishima whisper something to each other. He didn’t like the way Tsukishima smirked, and Yamaguchi would occasionally give him a sympathetic-looking smile. </p>
<p>“Wow, someone with my powers of observation! Truly impressive,” Futakuchi remarked, indeed looking suitably impressed. “Have they told anyone?”</p>
<p>Kageyama frowned. “I don’t think so, which is kinda weird. I would’ve thought Tsukishima of all people would use this against me.”</p>
<p>“That blond, sour-faced one with the glasses? He seems like a tsundere.” Futakuchi opened her bag of bread. </p>
<p>Kageyama choked on his milk but avoided squeezing it. “N-no! He’s just, I don’t know, sort of mean, I guess? Well, maybe not mean, but…”</p>
<p>The lunch period flew by as they discussed Tsukishima’s true personality. Kageyama was now remembering this conversation as he zoned out in his bedroom. How was he dealing with his crush, really?</p>
<p>It hurt, liking Hinata. It was scary to him how much of him was reliant on Hinata’s everyday actions. A single glance, a single smile could leave him feeling giddy for hours. The absence of Hinata could dampen his mood for an entire day. He didn’t think he was a jealous as well as dependent person, but he couldn’t stop the swoop of his stomach when seeing Hinata talking happily with another person, the sudden emptiness making him feel as if he were teetering on the edge of a cliff. </p>
<p>Kageyama felt as if parts of him he’d never known existed were exposed. Before, he would’ve denied being an overthinker. But now? He would spend a great deal of time thinking about what-ifs: what if Hinata lied about being bisexual so as to not hurt Kageyama, what if Hinata was actually straight, what if Hinata liked that cute girl in the second row in their shared history class, what if, what if, what if Hinata was bi and liked him? </p>
<p>But the truth was, having a crush was fun. Sure, it was embarrassing and painful, but Kageyama enjoyed the jump of his heart when he spent time with Hinata, the sweet anticipation for practice, the surge of joy when orange hair popped out from behind, a loud voice calling his name. His days had been given a new edge; he felt as if the colors were brighter, the sounds sharper. The whirlwind that was Hinata Shouyou had whipped him and his emotions into a jumbled mess, and he loved it. </p>
<p>Kageyama sighed and flipped over, kicking a pillow off his bed. A text from Hinata popped up on his phone screen, and he felt a smile come up. Liking someone was like having your head in heaven and your toes in hell, and maybe he was okay after all.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>___________________________________</p>
</div>“The x variable can be substituted here, and then you can solve for z… do you get it now, Kageyama? Kageyama?”<p>Kageyama blinked, returning to his tutoring session taught by Yamaguchi, but this time with Futakuchi sitting next to him. He’d accidentally been looking down into the courtyard, watching for a certain person to appear. “I’m sorry, Yamaguchi, I zoned out. Could you repeat that again?”</p>
<p>Yamaguchi lowered his voice. “Kageyama, you like Hinata, don’t you?” Kageyama snapped his eyes up, stunned. Tsukishima tsked at his expression and flipped a page of his science magazine. </p>
<p>“I- I don’t.”</p>
<p>“King, we know. It’s obvious and it hurts to look at, you’re so in love with that idiot.” Tsukishima clicked his tongue again, not even bothering to look up.</p>
<p>“You don’t need to deny it,” Futakuchi put in. “You already knew they knew.”</p>
<p>“Not for sure!” Kageyama was met with expectant silence. “Yeah, I do like him. How’d you know?”</p>
<p>“I just had a feeling at first, but I became more sure when I watched you,” explained Yamaguchi. </p>
<p>“It wasn’t the grumpy blondie?” Futakuchi sounded disappointed. “He talked like he figured it out!”</p>
<p>Yamaguchi giggled into his hand. “No, Tsukki didn’t know until I told him. You should’ve seen his face at first, oh my god I wish I had a picture-”</p>
<p>“Yamaguchi!”</p>
<p>This time, Yamaguchi didn’t bother to apologize and instead exchanged a high-five with Futakuchi. He then turned to Kageyama and asked, “So, when are you confessing?”</p>
<p>Kageyama sputtered, “I’m not <i>confessing</i>!”</p>
<p>“Why not?” Yamaguchi seemed genuinely confused. Futakuchi nodded. “I agree with Yams here, you should confess. Pining is pretty heavy stuff to be doing for a long time.”</p>
<p>“What if I get rejected? What’ll I do then? And volleyball will be messed up too.”</p>
<p>“It might be awkward for a while, but you guys will get over it. Besides, what if he does like you back?”</p>
<p>A convincing argument, to be sure. Kageyama couldn’t protest against it; they still had months until their next tournament, and that was more than enough time to get over the awkwardness of such a situation. He settled for deflecting a question back. “Yamaguchi, if you were so sure I liked Hinata, can’t you tell if Hinata likes me back?”</p>
<p>Yamaguchi thought for a moment, then said, “I can’t tell, actually. You’re a lot more transparent than he is. I confirmed that you liked him when I realized you didn’t frown when talking to him. Hinata’s very social and talks to everyone, and he smiles a lot, so it’s hard to see anything from facial expression. He does get a little red, sometimes.”</p>
<p>Kageyama could clearly feel his face beginning to form a scowl. Futakuchi clapped him on the back. “Just go for it! I think you’ve got a chance. He seems awfully excited when he talks to you.”</p>
<p>“He gets excited when talking to Nishinoya and Tanaka,” muttered Kageyama. </p>
<p>“Ah, on the topic of Nishinoya,” Futakuchi began thoughtfully. “Do you guys know if he’s single?”</p>
<p>Tsukishima stood up without a word and walked away. Yamaguchi looked like he was about to chase after him, but ended up staying. “No…?”</p>
<p>“Do you have a thing for short boys or something?” blurted Kageyama.</p>
<p>Futakuchi smirked. “No, just loud and energetic ones. I have a feeling it’ll be really fun to date them.”</p>
<p>“Why not consider Tanaka?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Later that day, he asked TOTORU for his opinion.</p>
<p>voleybalseter<br/>
&gt;<i>My friends say I should confess.<br/>
&gt;What should I do?</i></p>
<p>TOTORU<br/>
&gt;<i>go for it!! </i>ヾ(・ω・)メ(・ω・)ノ<br/>
&gt;<i>snatch up your sunshine boy!</i></p>
<p>voleybalseter<br/>
&gt;<i>How should I do it?<i></i></i></p>
<p>
  
    TOTORU<br/>
&gt;<i>you could read all the shoujo manga in japan and not know how to confess<br/>
&gt;theres no specific way just tell him your feelings :DD</i>
  
</p>
<p>
  
    voleybalseter<br/>
&gt;<i>Easier said than done.<br/>
&gt;How about you?</i>
  
</p>
<p>
  
    TOTORU<br/>
&gt;<i>no way<br/>
&gt;he’s completely straight :,(<br/>
&gt;we’re graduating soon anyway so it doesn’t rly matter</i>
  
</p>
<p>
  
    voleybalseter<br/>
&gt;<i>If you say so.</i>
  
</p>
<p>
  
    TOTORU<br/>
&gt;<i>anyway you need to go for it!!</i><br/>
&gt; <i>i’ll be cheering for you!</i>
  
</p>
<p>
  
    voleybalseter<br/>
&gt;<i>Thanks.</i>
  
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>TOTORU<br/>
&gt;♡ ～('▽^人)</i></i></p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <i>
      <i>___________________________________</i>
    </i>
  </p>
</div><i>
  <br/>
  <i><i>Today’s the day,</i> thought Kageyama. It had been nearly two months since he’d asked Futakuchi why she liked Hinata, and he’d managed to procrastinate his confession seven times. The fifth time, he’d come close to saying it in the locker room, only to choke on his own spit when Sugawara came back for his water bottle. <i>Today’s the day I’ll spit it out, get rejected, and go on my merry way home to cry.</i></i>
  <br/>
</i><p>
  <i>
    <i>It was after practice, and night had fallen. The cool air swirled into Kageyama’s lungs, providing a calming effect and slowing down his hammering heart. He tilted his head up, watching the leaves rustle and jump as wind blew through the branches, crunching underfoot as they settled on the concrete. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>An inhale, an exhale. <i>Just say the words, like you’ve practiced over and over.</i> “Hinata?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Yeah?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Another inhale, another exhale. Kageyama didn’t look at Hinata.  “I like you.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I like you too, Kageyama.” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>In his mind, Kageyama was almost completely sure Hinata had misunderstood. He clenched his sweaty palms and forced out his next words. “Romantically, dumbass.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I know. Me too.” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>They continued walking together in silence. As they reached Sakanoshita Store, Kageyama stopped and finally looked at Hinata. He had a blush on that was only just visible from the soft yellow light of the store, and Kageyama dared to hope that maybe, just maybe-</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Hinata turned his head and looked up at him, eyes alight with unmistakable happiness, and smiled at Kageyama. Smiled for Kageyama. And that was all Kageyama needed in order to believe. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama ran against the wind, bangs flipping up, feeling a giddiness rise up from inside. He ran and ran until Hinata tackled him from behind, slamming them both into the grass. Turning over, he grabbed Hinata and wrapped his arms around him, both of them laughing. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re so stupid.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“<i>You’re</i> the stupid one! That was the weirdest confession ever!” Hinata protested indignantly. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama sat up, brushing dirt from his knees. “How else was I supposed to do it?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“You could, like, ask me to go somewhere with you! Like, like a park! And that part where we just went silent! We were supposed to hug and kiss and stuff! Instead you just randomly started running!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I knew you would come after me,” Kageyama pointed out. At Hinata’s surprised expression, he raised his eyebrows. “You always run after me and I always run after you, right?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Kageyama,” Hinata began. He looked at Kageyama, face twisted oddly. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“What? If you really wanted a shoujo confession, I’ll redo it. Idiot.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“No, Kageyama! I like you. I really like you, oh gosh ilikeyouilikeyou,” Hinata burst out. He hid his face in his hands. “You have no idea how long I’ve liked you for, it’s so embarrassing. Ack! I’m too happy right now!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama hesitantly reached out and plucked a leaf out of his hair. “I’ve probably liked you for longer.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Oh yeah? How long?” Hinata’s competitive spirit had been awakened. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m not sure, actually,” Kageyama admitted. “I only knew I had a crush on you two months ago.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Hinata groaned. “Only two months? I’ve had a crush on you since I saw you in middle school, at that first match. I didn’t realize until that night though.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama gaped at him, uncomprehending. “I thought you hated me!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I did! I hated you and I liked you!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama was at a loss for words, unable to express how he felt through his voice. He couldn’t toss to Hinata, so instead he carefully pried Hinata’s hands from his face and pulled him to his chest. They stayed like that for a while, Kageyama’s chin resting on orange hair, Hinata’s ear to his chest. It wasn’t until Yamaguchi and Tsukishima appeared, walking together, that they pulled apart. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Yamaguchi let out a half-squeal when he saw them tangled up together on the ground and clapped his hands, exclaiming, “Finally! I told you Kageyama, fall down seven times, get up eight!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“What are you, pigs?” Tsukishima tried to look disgusted, but he seemed mostly amused. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>A gust of wind blew past them, ruffling through their clothes. Kageyama laid back down and listened to the sounds of bickering fill the air. He reached out and grabbed Hinata’s hand, enjoying the way Hinata’s face colored. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He was more than okay, he thought. Yeah, more than okay with all this love stuff.</i></i></p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <i>
      <i>. . .</i>
    </i>
  </p>
</div><i>
  <br/>
  <i>Epilogue:</i>
  <br/>
</i><br/><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Hey, Kageyama?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“What is it?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Help me think of a pet name.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“A pet <i>what</i>?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama and Hinata still walked together after practice, but they didn’t part ways so often anymore. Instead, they visited each others’ houses. Today, Hinata was sprawled on Kageyama’s bed, eating snacks while he watched Kageyama finish homework. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“A pet name, duh. Like babe or honey but, custom.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama straightened up and turned in his swivel chair. “Why would I do that?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Miwa said last week that that was what couples do!” Hinata beamed at him. He knew that his smile was one of Kageyama’s many weaknesses, and wasn’t afraid to use it. But today, Kageyama was not giving in.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“No.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Aw, c’mon! It’ll be cute!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I said no.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Fine, I don’t need your input.” Hinata tapped his chin, looking thoughtful. He rolled around on the bed for a few minutes, muttering under his breath. Kageyama ignored him. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ah!” Hinata knocked a pillow off the bed and sat up, apparently having an idea. Kageyama had a feeling that this idea would be worse than the one last week, where Hinata decided he wanted to piggyback Kageyama. They were both lucky that there were no lasting injuries. “I think I’m going to call you… blueberry!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama promptly snatched up the pillow and hurled it at Hinata, then jumped on the bed himself. He pushed Hinata down and straddled him, declaring, “Take that back!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“No, blueberry, don’t push me!” Hinata laughed up at him, eyes dancing with mirth. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Take it back, or I’ll call you tangerine or something!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Awww, that’s so cute blueberry!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Orange!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Blueberry!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Rat.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Blueberry!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Hinata.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Kageyama.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Kageyama leaned down and bumped his forehead against Hinata’s. “Shouyou.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Hinata curled his fingers through Kageyama’s hair and pulled him down for a soft, sweet kiss.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i> “Tobio.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm finally done!! I originally wrote this because I wanted to relive having a crush (I haven't had one for quite a while haha), but it turned into something that resembled crack. Is having a crush as good as I remembered it??</p>
<p>Thoughts about future fics:<br/>I want to write an IwaOi now, because they're still unresolved lol<br/>I also want to write about Ushijima's blog. I will never get over Ushijima having a blog about relationships</p>
<p>I'd like to say that even though Kageyama doesn't say that he loves Hinata out loud or even to himself, I think what he has now is pretty similar :,)<br/>Kageyama also tells Oikawa about his successful confession!! Oikawa's jealous ٩(╬ʘ益ʘ╬)۶</p>
<p>Ahh, thank you so much for reading to the end and leaving kudos! I love y'all so so much</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/bringyourcat">Twitter</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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